What defines the worth of something? I’ve heard it said that the value of something is determined by what someone is willing to pay in order to have it.
But what if it seems as though no one is interested in making a purchase?
Gosh, I have to say that I’m there right now; feeling a like a dusty, forgotten treasure. When people stop chasing you, when the world doesn’t praise you for your beauty, when your Instagram is not the cutest, it’s easy to start questioning your worth and identity. I currently feel as though I’m trapped in the solitary stardom of singleness until further notice. Honestly, this season has made me doubt whether I am a valuable and likeable person. Because doesn’t everyone say that something’s worth is determined by the person who’s willing to buy?
A few weeks ago, I was standing behind a curtain on a platform waiting to help close a youth service at my church. I had just realized that yet another cute guy I was semi-interested in was interested in someone else, and I was kind of feeling a little miffed at the Lord. I was half-jokingly, half-seriously telling God, “I feel like you’re taking all my options away!” For days before, I had spent my evenings telling the Lord that I just didn’t want to be alone anymore…that I wanted to be liked. Each time I would tell Him something like that, I would feel a small voice in the back of my mind say something like “you’re not alone” and “I like you,” but I wouldn’t really receive those words. This particular night, however, as I stood waiting behind that curtain, The Lord basically shouted at me that I was NOT alone, and that He wanted to be my boyfriend. He wanted me to focus on Him instead of worrying about figuring out my life story. In that moment, I said yes to The Lord.
Then the service ended, and a cute boy talked to me, and I started to doubt whether I wanted to keep the promise I had made to the Lord fifteen minutes before.
Since then, the struggle has definitely been real. I have had trouble giving my time to the Lord and–worse–I’ve had trouble trusting the Lord and giving Him my heart. Giving the Lord me means trusting Him to take care of my future. It means letting go of my dreams and putting them in His hands. It means defining myself by what He says of me instead of by what boys think of me.
It so easy to let the love of others define you. It feels good when others see you as successful, cool, or attractive. And it’s hard to let it go and say, “No. God loves me for who I am. So, I’m going to be who I am now.” Gosh, it’s so hard. Surrendering what others think of me is so frightening to me…especially when it seems like people who chase things other than God or make themselves look cool seem to get all the good stuff. But, my friends, there is surely a future hope for you. And your hope will not be cut off.
Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of The Lord. There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. (Proverbs 23:17-18 NIV)
Today I spent a bunch of time wishing for love, and you know? I decided I can’t run from the Lord anymore. I can’t allow my heart to follow dreams that will not satisfy me anymore. I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not in order to impress others anymore. I am completing a great work in my life right now, and I can not come down and talk with my enemy.
But they were scheming to harm me; so I sent messengers to them with this reply: “I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?” (Nehemiah 6:2b-3 NIV)
I have let my value come from whether or not I am being pursued by people, but in reality, my value comes from the God that created me.
God designed me the way I am, and He considers me flawless. His love for me doesn’t stop. It reaches to the skies. So, yeah, I know three girls around my age that are getting married in the next month, and I’m not dating anyone. But that’s not because I’m not valuable. My Jesus paid everything to get to me.
In closing, I just wanted to share a resource with you. This is one of my favorite worships songs right now. It has a really excellent feel to it in terms of music, and the lyrics are so powerful. The message of this song is so on my heart right now. If you want to purchase it, you can do so here. Have a lovely evening. Trust the Lord. He’s so good.