I know a lot of people don’t know my story, so I think I’m going to go ahead and post it.
I grew up in church and prayed “the prayer” to receive Jesus as my Savior like a million times. As I got older, I became afraid that none of these times counted and that I didn’t have enough faith to be a Christian.
At 12, I sat on the edge of the bathtub in our upstairs bathroom and cried my eyes out to the Lord. I asked Him why He’d made me like he did. Finally, I decided that if I believed in God enough to pray to Him, then I must have enough faith to be a Christian. Smiling, I wiped my tears away and waltzed out of the bathroom.
I think that at the time, I cared much more about “fire insurance”–knowing I would go to Heaven when I died–then I did about actually knowing God.
At 13, I struggled with depression.
I felt like there was a heaviness in my heart that wouldn’t go away. If I laughed, the weight was lifted a little…but it dropped back down the moment I stopped laughing.
One day at church, a leader prayed with me to receive the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. For the first time in a long time, I had a joy that wiped out the weight in my heart. I felt like I could fly and dance around the room.
That was the real beginning of my walk with the Lord. He set me free from the weight in my heart that nothing–no guy, no friend, no nothing–could release me from.
Although I have not had a perfect relationship with God and have run away way too many times, I can promise that He is good. He is the only real relief from pain and worry and fear and everything else. He is actually real, and He will be with you wherever you go.
When I run from God, forgetting how good and kind He is, He pulls me back with the sweetest hand. He’s never upset at me as if I’m a bad girl. No. He wipes me clean.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him…
I hope if you know that Lord, that your heart will be drawn to Him. And if you don’t know Him, I deeply hope you will come to know Him. He loves you so much.